Tiger Woods Had 5 Drugs in His System During DUI Arrest
After watching this video it hard to believe Tiger Woods had any drugs or alcohol in his system.
Turns out he had a cocktail of prescription drugs floating around in his belly designed to help severe pain, depression and sleeplessness. Tiger Woods is living his best life.
In the early hours of May 29th, Tiger Woods was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. They found him passed out behind the wheel of his car blocks from his home. This morning the toxicology report was released from that night and we found out that Tiger is a true rich American and has a taste for the fancy prescription drugs. In his system they found:
- Vicodin, a heavy pain medication that most of us can get by telling our doctor our shoulder hurts.
- Dilaudid, a stronger pain medication that I do have some experience with. This shit is AMAZING! Only had it while in Hospital and it had me flying high.
- Xanax, a drug usually prescribed to people with depression. Xan’s can really fuck you up. He was probably bumping Future in his Buick. I think we need to starting calling him the Xan man.
- Ambien, a sleep medication that if you can fight through the drowsiness you start to hallucinate. Don’t fact check me on this one, I learned it from Role Models.
- THC, known to doctors as tetrahydrocannabinol. Known to the rest of us as the active chemical compound in Marijuana.
Now my expert opinion would be to stop taking the pills and stick to the healthy stuff, that sweet Mary Jane. But what do I know. I’m just a 30 year old blogger who can hardly pay rent and pops anti-depressants and smokes weed to keep myself from going off the deep end. Tiger, look, if you want to wild out and pop pills like a 1980’s wall street broker be my guest, but do it in the comfort of you own home. If you need to go out call and Uber. If you need to get laid call a hooker. They can come to you. You have more money than I would know what to do with, I’m sure you can afford the late night Uber charges. The last thing I need are tire tracks across the 18th green when I’m trying to putt.
All things the same, I am a Tiger Woods fan. I grew up watching him play and in my opinion he is the greatest golfer to play the game. I would love to see him make a comeback Even at half speed he could still wipe the floor with the guys currently playing on the Tour. So Tiger, do me and all your fans a favor, bend at the knees and don’t hurt you back when you’re picking up trash along the highway serving your 30 hours of community service.