Oakland Is Officially Flavor Town
When the Oakland Raiders acquired Marshawn Lynch, I had visions of a couple great seasons. Winning the AFC West to make playoffs, a dominate run game behind a Top 5 offensive line, and seeing Marshawn Lynch being drenched in Skittles as he scores a touchdown next to the famous Black Hole.
But even I couldn’t have fathomed such a dynamic power duo. Such a pure colossal of titans that life didn’t even see coming its way.
Tell me how this guy:
And this guy:
Aren’t an amazing addition to the team that can finally get the Raiders a championship. You can’t.
On one hand we have Marshawn Lynch. Oakland born and bred, Lynch played college next door at Cal like a monster, eventually going onto the NFL to become a Super Bowl champion with the Seahawks. But he is best known for eating Skittles during games and refusing to speak to the media/giving them the bare minimum.
On the other hand is Guy Fieri. He made a name for himself as the face of the Food Network around 2010, took bleaching ones hair to another level even Justin Timberlake has never been to before, and is the official mayor of Flavor Town.
Pairing a guy who doesn’t eat anything but skittles with a guy who loves staring at meat more than life itself may possibly be the most diabolical plot the Oakland Raiders have ever come up. It wasn’t selecting JaMarcus Russell as the first overall pick who only played 3 seasons. It wasn’t selecting Darius Hayward-Bey with the 7th overall pick 2 years later. Additionally, not even selecting Darren McFadden who hasn’t had a hamstring since college could have prepared me for this combo. Most, if not all ideas that the Oakland Raiders have tried for the last 2 decades have busted on them. Before Reggie McKenzie was brought to the helm, the last great move was grabbing the legendary Seabass in the 1st round, a potential hall of famer. But this…this is it.
With the additions of alleged mascara wearer Sid Phillips
And the QB corpse destroying Mack Truck on defense
this team is in for a championship run. This may very well be where the Raiders get redemption vs the Patriots in Mexico during the regular season and in the playoffs for the Tuck Rule. Flavor Town is going to bring a championship to Oakland.
PS: Queue the Flavor Town memes
PPS: Stay woke everyone, stay woke