I Love Alexi Lalas, And I Don’t Even Know Who He Is
His wikipedia says he played for the USA in the 1994 FIFA World Cup, but all I know is if you look up his images you won’t be disappointed
Pure electricity in the hair department no matter where he is growing it. But his Wikipedia says that he also was in a rock band called The Gypsies. I think anyone could have called that one. Nothing but respect. But what I respect even more is his honesty. Listen as he tears the Men’s USA Team a new asshole
I wish that I could say that Alexi Lalas is unfounded here but he's right. This hasn't been good enough.
— Chuck Booth (@ChuckBoothSport) September 11, 2017
PREACH, ALEXI! PREACH! CALL THEM ALL OUT! WE HAVE NAMES, WHAT THEY NEED TO FIX, AND HOW LONG THEY’VE BEEN DIVAS! We’re the United States of America and we dominate every Olympics by far. This won’t be a hot take. I can tell you exactly why we STINK at soccer and why we won’t ever be great at it when talking about the men’s team. It’s simple. All of our nation’s best athletes play every sport BUT soccer. Football, baseball, and basketball all come before soccer. You see it in every city. The youth of America will start in soccer and most will choose to not play it past that point because kids don’t have the attention span to stay in the game. Also, there’s too much running. Ya boy doesn’t do running. Hence why I played one season, went 10-0, and quit. Too easy of a sport so young TQ split real quick. But that’s neither here nor there. You want the best athletes to play your sport and make soccer relevant in the U.S.? You need to make them engaged and committed to the sport from a younger age.
You want more people to be engaged in soccer? There needs to be changes: More scoring
- Get rid of flopping. There has to be some sort of punishment for it. No one that schedules their weekend plans around their favorite football team is going to go out of their way to find their local MLS team on tv. That’s a fact. When your sport has the stereotype that your players are a bunch of pussies, they probably are. Do you wanna watch a sport that has their players doing this all the time? . Punishment for flopping? How about a penalty kick? You think that would stop the flopping? Because I sure do. And no, I’m not saying to give them a card due to my next point. It solves your flopping issue and it gets more scoring into the games. It’s the American business model that football and basketball have been building upon. More scoring = more entertainment.
- Get rid of red cards. You would believe that there would be more scoring when a red card is given and a team is down a player. But as a degenerate gambler, let me tell you. You’re wrong. There are only two situations when this helps bring more goals to the game. When the winning team loses a player causing the losing team to actually have a shot at making a comeback, and when the best teams that can score well are playing the worst teams in the league. But even then it’s not a guarantee. And if you’re trying to make an impact for ALL of the games, this isn’t in your best interest. Games are most competitive when each team has the same amount of players and the intensity is up. That’s another fact. Two in case you were keeping track. How do you fix excessive yellow cards or big illegal hits from happening? Penalty kicks. It shouldn’t matter where you are in the field in order to achieve a penalty kick. You shouldn’t have to be in the dumb fucking small box in order to get that chance. Here’s that solution. 1st yellow card play, award it. 2nd yellow cards to a single player should award a penalty kick. 3rd yellow card for that player and they are suspended from the next game, and etc for how many games for any card after. Keep the players on the field, and keep the scoring up. Penalty kicks are ELECTRIC. Get them into the game more and the people will come.
- Get rid of offsides. This is my last point, but it’s another important one. The offsides call in soccer (hockey as well) is probably the most backwards call you could have ever implemented into a sport. Compare it to basketball. You can be “offsides” however much you want and are able to go anywhere you want to on the court. Scoring in the NBA has never been higher, and viewership ratings continue to go up. When imagining it being implemented on a soccer field or hockey rink, it keeps the defenders true to guarding their men tight while opening the field/rink up for more lanes and more scoring opportunities. With the bullshit offsides rule, it clogs up areas and scoring ability. Let’s go back to the basketball comparison. The Golden State Warriors are known for their flashy offense and amazing ability to score. You know how they do this? They spread everyone out, rely on passing/moving without the ball, and trust that they will shoot better than the other team. But when they aren’t in a half court offense, they push the ball better than anyone else and get as many shots up as possible. More shots = more potential points scored.
Wait a minute. I think I just blacked out. What was this post originally about?
Did I just fix soccer while talking about my new love for a brutally honest Alexi Lalas?
Hey soccer, I think I just fixed you. Now do it.
PS: Going back to the well that is Alexi Lalas’ google images