I Fell Down A Youtube Rabbit Hole Tonight, And I’m Now All In On Bhad Bhabie
Hand up, I’ll be the first to admit it… I wasn’t ready for this. But I couldn’t be more thrilled to have spent an entire night added dozens of views to the music videos of a 15 year old girl who got her start by berating her mom on Dr. Phil. This probably caught you ridiculously off guard. But who doesn’t like catching people in the act?
It all started off with a night of Fortnite on the PS4. Getting that first win in Fortnite (I know, sick brag right) had me going WILD. To which the obvious first move is to throw on Mike Jones’ Back Then song because I simply cannot go back to being a peasant virgin without a notch under my belt. I needed to keep everything in perspective because now that I have a win in Fortnite, clearly the ladies were going to be approaching me soon. And if Mike Jones has taught me anything to remember besides his old phone number, it’s that the heaux that didn’t love me then are going to come back around and try to get a piece of this champion stallion, and we need to put them in their place. It was at that time that I stumbled back onto Bhad Bhabie.
We all know the events on Dr. Phil that set the internet ablaze by the “Cash Me Outside” girl
But I’m ready to inform the world that she is a certified star and I’m jumping on the train. Yes, she’s an Italian from Florida that speaks like she’s from the hood. Yet I’m here to defend her honor, because she’s not a one trick pony.
We don’t need to hear about how she’s been arrested and is on probation, blah blah blah. Hey guys, stop living in the past. We’re looking out for this girl’s bright future of trap beats and $30,000 guest appearances. “But Tyler, she has 4 years left on her probation sentence. Isn’t that talking about her future?” Well yes it is, but I like to think of it as her actually getting the proper parenting in order to become a suitable adult. Someone needs to actually raise her, might as well be the state and its court system, right?
She has 6 songs/videos to her name in 6 months of rapping, and they are all FIRE. Anyone who knows anything knows this chick is in for one hell of a career, and I refuse to not acknowledge the start of a rap legacy. I’m all in
PS: Any word that ends in “oes” will from here on be ending in “eaux”. Support the god damn brand