BREAKING: PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, PFT COMMENTER AND JJ WATT TEAM UP TO SOLVE THE ZODIAC KILLER MURDERS
PLEASE CREDIT ON THE PINE FOR THE FOLLOWING BREAKING NEWS
President Donald Trump, Barstool Sports blogger PFT Commenter and Houston Texans Defensive End JJ Watt have finally brought a conclusion to a cold case that has been freezing cold for decades. Whether it was intentional or not, I can’t say. But it’s happened. President Donald Trump should need zero introductions. But PFT Commenter, known for his solar freezing takes on the Pro Football Talk comment boards, and JJ Watt, the infamous letterman jacket wearing hardo, have finally provided this country with the evidence to conclude the serial murders of the legendary unknown Zodiac Killer from the 1960’s. This is the famous sketch of the killer.
Confirmed to have killed 5 people (claims to have killed 37 according to trusted source Wikipedia) the Zodiac Killer terrorized the Bay Area of Northern California for years. The Zodiac Killer would send taunting letters to the press of the Bay Area with cryptograms for anyone and everyone to attempt to decipher in order to figure out his next move. Without the ability of the internet and the ability to gain help from bulletin boards like 4Chan, everyone was too dumb to figure them out unless they were Ovaltine commercial advertising cryptograms
Now to speed you up, I’m literally just going to rip this description of PFT Commenter from Wikipedia because I trust Wikipedia to do a better job than me when it comes to informing people of anything. Who am I to put myself on a pedestal?
PFT Commenter began as a commenter on ProFootballTalk.com before starting the @PFTCommenter Twitter account in 2012 and eventually becoming a contributor for SBNation, Kissing Suzy Kolber and Football Savages.
In September 2015, PFT Commenter made an appearance on Mike Florio’s PFT Live radio program. Also in 2015, PFT Commenter began commenting on the 2016 United States presidential election and appeared on camera several times, albeit in the background, during the television coverage of the Republican Party presidential debates. PFT Commenter also asked then-Presidential candidate Ben Carson if he would travel back in time to abort an unborn Adolf Hitler, an exchange covered by the national media, leading to the headline, “Ben Carson would not abort Baby Hitler.” on CNN.com
PFT Commenter moved to Barstool Sports in March 2016 and started the podcast Pardon My Take along with co-host Dan Katz.
I think PFT Commenter does his best work when he’s in front of the camera where he can figure out what we all would like to know, the hard hitting questions.
Now while Hurricane Harvey devastated Texas and all of its citizens, JJ Watt stepped up big time. He has raised over $31 Million through donations at this point for the relief costs that it will take to help out Texas. Nothing short of amazing.
And tomorrow is Gameday! https://t.co/SR6DmnNbyM
— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) September 9, 2017
He has been the leader of the pack for the relief efforts by far. Enough to get this response when he came out for their first game of the season vs the Jaguars.
— Brian T. Smith (@ChronBrianSmith) September 10, 2017
Now this is where everything gets interesting.
Ted Cruz, current Texas Senator, last year ran opposite of current President Donald Trump to become the Republican nominee in the presidential campaign. Pretty much top 3 the entire time through, he was the butt of many jokes. Stories about how he looked like Kevin Malone from The Office were the comical highs that were everywhere to be seen, even getting the question to his face from PFT’s now internet video rabbit hole coworker, Donnie Does. (I highly recommend that you just waste a whole afternoon on his youtube videos. I would bet my life you can’t help but say “Hey how’re ya?” after it in the most ridiculous Boston accent)
He’s not wrong.
Ted Cruz has shown support for JJ’s efforts on Twitter
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 9, 2017
And on Sunday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz shared a picture of himself at the game wearing a JJ Watt shirsey standing next to Challenger The Bald Eagle and he/she’s handler (we don’t assume eagle gender here).
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 10, 2017
Lastly, as far as poking the bear that is Ted Cruz goes, current President Donald Trump was heavily criticized during the election for bringing up old allegations regarding the father of Ted Cruz. Ted’s father Rafael, is a part of a theory that Rafael Cruz is actually the person who killed JFK.
This was an article from Politico.com,
“I don’t know his father. I met him once. I think he’s a lovely guy,” Trump said at a morning-after rally in Cleveland. “All I did is point out the fact that on the cover of the National Enquirer there was a picture of him and crazy Lee Harvey Oswald having breakfast.”
More known for its sordid tales of celebrity affairs and alien invasion cover-ups, the National Enquirer has famously broken two major stories: John Edwards’ love child during the 2008 presidential campaign and some early aspects of O.J. Simpson’s 1994 murder trial, exceptions Trump gleefully pointed out on Friday.
“This was a magazine that, in many respects, should be well respected,” Trump said. “I mean if that was The New York Times, they would have gotten Pulitzer Prizes for their reporting.”
Our President isn’t wrong, folks. Cracking cases is a difficult game to get into. I can tell you first hand considering I’m a well known catfisher catcher. I did indeed catch a catfisher. And no, they weren’t going after me. But I’ll tell you right now, that’s the only way you can catch them though. A friend there to see through the lies that is an internet catfisher. I practically should be the host of that MTV show (no free ads). But anyways, this is an article that could have sufficient evidence. And considering it is now basically a fact that President Donald Trump is a time traveller using Nikola Tesla’s technology, I can’t help but believe him on this subject. This isn’t the place to go down that rabbit hole, but I’ll leave that right here for you after reading this blog. http://i.imgur.com/EVdeMRP.jpg
Now getting back to the investigation, Pardon My Take decided to run a twitter poll after nominating Ted Cruz for their “Football Guy of the Week” honors for being a grown adult wearing a shirsey. Preposterous move by Ted. The results:
Who won this weeks #Footballguy of the week?
— Pardon My Take (@PardonMyTake) September 11, 2017
It’s pretty difficult to lose to Blake Bortles, even his hairline refuses to lose to him. But Ted Cruz took it upon himself to address the issue publicly
Losing to Blake Bortles twice in one week would just be cruel. https://t.co/VlPPWrHXX7
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 11, 2017
Cool Guy Ted was in full force. No one could stop him now. He was in with the AWL’s of Pardon My Take (Award Winning Listeners). Especially with a self deprecating tweet like that, everyone got a kick out of his self awareness for his current spot in life. With over 2,000 Retweets and 12,000 favorites at the time of this writing, Ted Cruz couldn’t be winning more
Better or worse then losing 2 a guy who said that ur dad assassnated JFK? https://t.co/2icYI2yrxH
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) September 12, 2017
But as the 2nd Monday night football game concludes, the twitter world is absolutely set ablaze by Ted Cruz again thanks to this golden moment
Before anything is said, this is an investigation. We must dive deep into the evidence and provide everything up front. Ted Cruz got got. With currently 139K tweets about him right now, he’s now trending on Twitter. Everyone is blowing up about it. This has to be covered. But let’s dive deeper into the video he liked.
HERE WE HAVE IT FOLKS. THE DAMNING EVIDENCE. THE HAMMER. Ted Cruz likes voyeur porn. For all the rookies to the english language, here is the definition. Voyeur, “A person who gains sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked or engaged in sexual activity”. Does that sound familiar to any known storyline in our current history?
The Zodiac Killer would watch his future victims, study them, and stalk them before making his move to shoot them in cold blood. Almost perfecting this technique in order to achieve his goals, with the exception of one person ever living to get away. The Zodiac Killer did exactly what this lady does in this video. And Ted Cruz gets off to that type of porn. Coincidence? I think not
This blog has been a wild ride. The ups and downs were unreal. A roller coaster of investigative emotions. But we have true heroes in our lives. With it being 2016, almost 49 years later, we have finally been given the damning evidence we need to find the killer. And of all groups, President Donald Trump, Barstool’s PFT Commenter, and NFL player JJ Watt were the detectives that Northern California has needed since the late 60’s. My only hope is that Ted Cruz is finally brought to justice. You and I both know he’ll blame an intern, but we see right through you…Zodiac Killer. Please, bring this man to justice. Thank you for your service Mr. President, PFT Commenter, and JJ Watt
PS: Can’t wait for it
PPS: Me too, Wolf, me too.
PPPS: Don’t worry guys, we got him. #Confirmed